Was I This Bad?

Out and about with my niece who is a 19-year old sophomore at Southern Miss. As we proceeded to a convenience store, we walk inside and I see two guys working behind the counter. Both of them perked up like two German Shepherds noticing a cat.

One of these guys was close to my age with gold fronts. He looked like a Cadillac when he smiled. The other was closer to Yoda’s age and had eyes bigger than rims on a Hummer. Each of them smiled as she walked by the register. The younger guy waited for me to walk to where he thought I was far enough out of ear shot to say something to her.

Now, my niece can handle herself. She’s going to deal with a lot of anxious guys before she finishes her first semester at USM, so it makes no sense to trip on these two. Besides, I’m not one to stare down guys who look at her or try to deter them at all. As long as they don’t do anything inappropriate, I won’t go “Deebo” on them. (That’s a “Friday” reference for those paying attention. You need Netflix in your life)

I realize that men will always look at women, even when they’re 100 years old. But at what age do you stop gawking at them? Here are two guys with a combined age larger than an area code and they’re looking at a barely-legal?

I can appreciate a good-looking woman as much as the next man, but not to the point to where I’m doing the creepy guy stare. Here it is I’m ready to cash out and Yoda is smiling at my niece like Dracula smiling at someone with keys to a blood bank.

I started flashing back my early 20’s. Was I this bad? I truly don’t think that I was. Sure, I gawked when a woman wasn’t looking, but once she saw me, I didn’t stare at her like a hostage stares at a steak.

Now, for women who don’t know, guys gawk because of bad short term memories. Some women can see an attractive guy and appreciate him with just a glance. Men will stare at a woman, turn away thinking they’re satisfied and then turn back and stare again as if they forgot what she looked like.

So, as we start to leave the store, Yoda’s apprentice tries to holla one last time. I’m walking out and noticed my niece stopping as he got her attention. I continued on because like I said, she can handle herself. I get to the car and she comes out less than a minute later with a big smile on her face. She loves the attention, but tends to go for the Pacman Jones type than the late-30’s guy. She does need to work on her fake name though. “Kia Chrysler” just isn’t very creative. But, that’s the burden you all carry from being women, I guess. Having to come up with fake names and smile at guys who have a better chance of starting at point guard for the Lakers than they do with getting to first base.

So, on behalf of all men, I want to apologize to the ladies for our actions. We want you to know that you’re appreciated, but I’m sure that there are better ways for us to do it without salivating like a dog on a six foot leash who’s tied six and a half feet from his water dish.



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